Woman wonders if her 2-year relationship is a mistake because her boyfriend hates her cats: 'I love my cats more than anything in the world and he literally doesn't care.'

Author image for Ayala Sorotsky
Ayala Sorotsky • Writer and Editor
Jan 25, 2026 2:00 PM EST

Here prances the drama king, who apparently didn't know what he was walking into when he agreed to live with his cat pawrent of a girlfriend.

Nope, we don't think it's an exaggeration. The one who came to the World Wide Web to seek advice is the girlfriend, but her subtext paints a very concerning picture. The present picture is of a boyfriend who is borderline hostile to his girlfriend's cats while living together. But that doesn't beat the picture of the past, where we can connect the dots of a person who knows his girlfriend has cats, who knows he dislikes cats, and yet agrees to move in together.

There are a couple of reasons for that to happen:

  1. He thinks so little about cats that he really assumes they won't matter in the apartment whatsoever. He has no clue about cats, and an unwillingness to learn, if he didn't do so before the move.
  2. He thinks so little about his girlfriend and the love she holds in her heart for these cats. She even says so herself - they're her babies. He just ignores it.

These two reasons result in a man who is hostile towards the creatures dearest to his girlfriend's heart. They were there before him, and they can be there after him. It's not like the girlfriend asked him so he could convince her not to adopt cats. We're not relationship advisers, but it seems as if he doesn't understand his girlfriend as a cat person, so he doesn't understand his girlfriend as a person at all.

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  • 01
    AIO my boyfriend of 2 years doesn't like my cats and says they aren't his
    via AbilityAdventurous22

  • When two people in a relationship decide to live together, and one of them has pets, there's usually a certain symbiosis process going on between the partner who was petless and what are, essentially, their new pets. It might take months, but pets become “shared” - so what if one person adopted them before?

    It's a psychological phenomenon even stronger than the effort justification. If only effort justification applies, a person might think “I already invested so much time and money taking care of this thing, I might as well go along with it”. But with pets of your partner? This is no mere effort justification. The other person usually grows to genuinely love and care for their partner's cats and dogs (or other pets). This way, they “win” a loving animal in the house while not adopting it in the first place.

    And the pet? Well, winning another loving human parent is never bad.

    But here…? We think there's a certain refusal to even acknowledge the cats…

  • 02
    A couple in a fight. Both sit on a couch. Girlfriend sits upright, hand gestured forwards, in the middle of a calm explenation. Boyfriend sits slouched, eyes closed, head between his hands, expression annoyed.
    via pixelshot

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 03
    I keep getting In fights with my boyfriend because he isn't nice to my cats. He pays absolutely no attention to them and they're terrified of him, and whenever I bring it up it starts a fight
    via AbilityAdventurous22
  • 04
    and he says they're not his cats he doesn't give a shit about them and doesn't have to because they're mine. I explain that I love my cats more than anything in the world and he literally doesn't care and I have cried to him over this and I
    via AbilityAdventurous22
  • 05
    Woman hugging her orange cat, she smiles at it and the cat looks comfortable in her arms. She holds a lint roller. Indoor setting.
    via Africa images

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 06
    don't know how to get through to him. Am I overreacting or should I just not care that he doesn't like cats?
    via AbilityAdventurous22
  • 07
    Two house cats sitting close to each other, looking at something out of frame.
    via SpeedPhoto

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 08
    se yjujuisme I would be scared of what he does to them when you're not home if they are that terrified of him. I have four cats so I don't mess around with how people treat animals. Put up a camera. they're helpless he's not. He knew what he was coming into if you had the cats already.
    via se*yjujuisme
  • 09
    katgyrl NOR enough. Theyre terrified of him because of what he does to them when youre not around. Also, he doesn't really like or care for you, based on this situation.
    via katgyrl
  • 10
    AbilityAdventurous22 OP I don't think he abuses them but he's not nice to them. He's loud and they're really scared of him and he doesn't see it as a problem. Cats are my life I am the definition of a crazy cat lady so they're genuinely so important to me to the point that I absolutely love them more than I love him.
    via AbilityAdventurous22
  • 11
    Woman hugs a fluffy cat next to a Christmas tree.
    via Karola G from Pexels

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 12
    hejackisej Time to rehome your boyfriend.
    via hejackisej

  • Look, we really are not relationship advisers, but in this case? If anyone's being rehomed - it's the boyfriend. Also rehoming him away from the relationship, making him an ex-boyfriend. In addition, maybe warn any girl with pets that he would want to move in with. Our cats, dogs, and other animal friends come first.

  • 13
    A couple in feud. Boyfriend looks out of the window, arms crossedm looking away. Girlfriend sitting on the sofa, head held between her hands, elbows on her knees, looking down.
    via pixelshot

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 14
    Signal-Stomach6918 You're not overreacting at all. It's not about him being a "cat person,” it's about basic empathy for something you love and that lives in his space.
    via Signal-Stomach6918
  • 15
    If my partner said "I don't give a shit" about creatures I adore, that'd be a massive ick and honestly a dealbreaker long term.
    via Signal-Stomach6918
  • 16
    Sad_Category_4924 NOR I can't stand when people talk horribly about animals. Animals are sentient so perhaps they are picking up on the bad vibes your bf is giving off. Def not your fault, OP.
    via Sad_Category_4924
  • 17
    AbilityAdventurous22 OP Yeah he doesn't necessarily do anything to them but he's loud around them and scares them and doesn't make an effort to help them not be scared and feel safe with them
    via AbilityAdventurous22
  • 18
    Woman hugs her orange cat in an outdoor setting. Woman is smiling, cat leans in for the touch.
    via dimaberlinphotos

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 19
    Virginia_Hall NOR He's not apathetic about the cats. He is hostile towards the cats. They know that and consider him a threat. You should too.
    via Virginia_Hall
  • 20
    DeathTyrant69 NOR - Why are you, a person who loves cats, with someone who clearly doesn't like them? Sounds like a bad match on such an important thing.
    via DeathTyrant69
  • 21
    It also seems a bit weird like he may be lacking some empathy or respect for you or for things that are important to you, as well. Probably a bit of a red flag purely in that aspect, too.
    via DeathTyrant69
  • 22
    Woman hugs a tabby cat, she smiles while the cat closes its eyes looking happy. Pink background.
    via Denis Valakhanovich

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 23
    Glittering Nobody813 Hard NOR and like another commenter said, the fact that they're terrified of him makes me wonder if you're not underreacting here.
    via Glittering_Nobody813
  • 24
    Personally, I'd never stay with someone who didn't treat my animals well. They don't need to love them the way I do, but between being totally dependent on humans for survival and completely innocent and incapable of
    via Glittering_Nobody813
  • 25
    understanding why someone would mistreat them, it's unfair to put them in close, repeated contact with someone who doesn't even treat them with basic kindness. If you are
    via Glittering_Nobody813
  • 26
    determined to stay with this guy, then at the very least, put up cameras (and DON'T TELL HIM, but DO tell a trusted friend or two about all of this) so you can see what he's doing to them when you're not around.
    via Glittering_Nobody813
  • 27
    Own-Management-1973 Yep, from not a pet person. If they're terrified he's doing some shit to them when you can't see it. Generally cats don't g-a-s if people like them or not. Even if they take a dislike to someone they're not usually scared of them. He's done something, probably many not nice somethings, to influence their behaviour.
    via Own-Management-1973

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boyfriend feud relationship advice relationship drama cat people relationships girlfriend Cats relationship drama
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